


After Rannoch, Before Everything Else

by PetitAvocat



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Developing Relationship, F/M, Smut, idk what that tag is but i feel like it applies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:16:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetitAvocat/pseuds/PetitAvocat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shoker commission for tumblr user <a href="http://maleficarmorrigan.tumblr.com">MaleficarMorrigan</a>, using her lovely OC Joanna Shepard! :3</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Rannoch, Before Everything Else

**Author's Note:**

> _if you'd like to commission me, send me a message on my[tumblr](http://antivanrogue.tumblr.com). commission info can be found [here](http://antivanrogue.tumblr.com/post/100695864421/antivanrogues-writing-commissions)._

For someone who flies the most powerful ship in the galaxy, it’s amazing how helpless Joker feels sometimes.

Back on the SR-1, Shepard used to give him a running commentary on the milk runs. Sometimes the other squad members would chime in, but Joker lived for Shepard’s blow-by-blows on those missions, and especially for the snort-laugh that crackled through the comms whenever he had a witty comeback of his own.  Every time the ground crew returned, Shepard would tap the back of his chair (“Hey, flyboy, wanna dance?”) and he’d flip her off without even turning around (“Hey, golden girl, when’s that next interview?”).

He’d started looking forward to missions.  And somehow, most of the time, he managed to ignore the quiet reminder in the back of his head – that every time Shepard left the ship, there was a chance she wouldn’t come back.

On the Normandy, though – that had been Joker’s home turf.  That was where he knew she was safe, and as much as he loved their comm talks during missions, as cocky as she’d always been, Joker was only totally comfortable when he felt that tap on the back of his chair.

Then Alchera happened.  He’d tried to fight for her – tried to keep the Normandy afloat just long enough for her to get to safety, but everything went wrong.  And it was his fault.

If Joker was honest, the Alliance hadn’t grounded him.  He’d had flashbacks every time he tried to set foot in a cockpit. Joker had grounded himself.

And when he’d gotten the tiniest sliver of hope that Shepard might be able to come back – well, he wasn’t going to ask too many questions.

She was just as gorgeous as she’d ever been, gap-toothed smile breaking across her face when she saw him at Cerberus HQ, and it’d taken every wretchedly weak bone in his body to crack a joke about old times instead of breathing her name, saying _“Joanna”_ like the prayer he’d whispered every night since she’d… gone.

Something had changed, though.  Her commentary on missions was darker, angrier, and Joker kept trying to lighten the mood but that characteristic laugh never sounded quite as bright as it used to. She was still bitingly sarcastic, and the rest of the crew would roll their eyes just like they did on the SR-1, but it wasn’t quite the same.

She still came all the way up from the shuttle bay to tap the back of his chair after missions, though.  The first time she did, he’d reflexively started in on their old back-and-forth ( _“Hey, golden girl, when’s that –”_ ) but when he’d half-turned to look at her, the words had died on his tongue.  She was frozen in place, eyes glassy, jaw tight.

Joker had opened a channel to comm her in the medbay after that – and he’d known he shouldn’t have listened, but he’d heard part of her conversation with Chakwas, and he’d never been able to shake it.

_\- Commander, Cerberus made you stronger but you’re not invincible._

_\- They brought me back from the dead once, didn’t they?  If they need me enough, they’ll do it again._

_\- Really, Shepard, I don’t think –_

_\- Just patch me up, Doctor.  I need to debrief the crew._

From then on, the tap on his chair had felt more like a reassurance to herself – still here. Still alive.

For now.

But these days, as they fly around the galaxy always one step behind the Reapers, Joker is concerned that Shepard might have forgotten that she’s more than just a soldier – to some people, anyway.

He’s got a bad feeling about Rannoch, and that bad feeling gets worse when a Reaper crawls out of the ground like a cephalopod from hell.  And then Shepard, incredibly, decides to fight the thing. On foot.

And Joker feels like the most helpless man in the galaxy.

He has never in his life heard a more terrifying sound than the scream of the Reaper’s laser over the comms.  Shepard isn’t talking, just running, and he can hear her ragged breathing as she sprints along the ground.  He can’t focus on anything else – the Normandy’s interface blurs as his eyes glaze over, all his senses tuned to the sounds from Rannoch.

“Jeff.” A smooth voice interrupts him, and he realizes that his hands are clenched into fists on the arms of his chair.

“Jeff, your vital signs are extremely erratic.  I recommend you cease holding your breath.”

He coughs and gasps and comes back to himself.  The Reaper screams over the comms again and he reaches out, hand hitting the _mute_ button before he can stop himself.  It’s the first time he’s ever cut her off on a mission.

“EDI, let me know if Shepard needs something.  I’m… I can’t fly straight if I’m hearing that Reaper all the time.”

There’s a fraction of a pause, and then EDI says, “Understood.”

When Shepard comes back from Rannoch, she is triumphant.  It’s the most like pre-Alchera Shepard he’s seen, but… if this recklessness is what it takes?  It’s not worth it.

He listens to her footfalls as she comes up to tap his chair.  _Tap._ No words, no _sorry I almost died again_ , nothing – but before she can start retreating again, he spins his chair around and grabs her wrist.

Joker can see the restraint as she fights down her impulse to break out of his grip. They both know that if she did, even with Cerberus’s upgrades to his bone strength, she would probably break his hand.  Instead, she just looks at him, fingers flexing uncomfortably.

“What the hell was that?” Joker’s voice is far steadier than his hand on Shepard’s wrist.

“I don’t know what you saw up here, but down there I saw a victory.”

“You almost got yourself killed.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s kind of my job.”

“It’s your _job_ to stay alive – ”

“Yeah, and I’m pretty good at it, thanks – ”

“Not the last time I checked!”

The cockpit falls deadly silent.  Joanna pulls her wrist free, Joker hardly resisting.  If she broke his hand now he would deserve it.  Without making eye contact, he says: “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Shepard says, so quickly that the words almost overlap with his.

He looks up and her eyes are soft.

“EDI,” Shepard says, without taking her eyes off Joker, “Could you give us a moment?”

“I will still be able to hear your conversation – ”

Joanna’s smile is everything Joker was afraid he would lose, and he can’t help smiling back at her.  “I know, EDI,” she says. “Please?”

“Of course.” EDI stands and leaves the cockpit, and Joanna closes the door after her, sitting down in the nearest chair and resting her arms on her knees.

“I’m sorry,” Joker repeats.  “I was just –” his voice cracks, but he barrels on – “the Reaper was right there, and Alchera wasn’t even that long ago, and you were down on that planet and I couldn’t do anything from here and – shit, Shepard, I just can’t lose you again.”

She takes his hand. Doesn’t say a word, just takes his hand.  And Joker knows that she is the savior of the goddamn galaxy, but right now he doesn’t even care – her hand is in his and she’s just Joanna and he leans forward and cups her cheek and presses his lips to hers.

There is a terrifying half-second where she doesn’t move, and he thinks, _oh god, what have I done, fuck, I just ruined everything_ – and then she lets out the tiniest, hungriest whimper and before he knows what’s happening Joanna Shepard has climbed onto his lap, legs on either side of him, hands tangling into his hair.  She pushes his hat off and his hands instinctively go to the beautiful wide curve of her hips, pulling her in closer, and she nips at his lower lip in response.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathes against her mouth, and then she grabs one of his hands and slides it up to her breasts and he is fairly sure he’s died and gone to heaven –

Joanna reaches between them, fingers fumbling at Joker’s trousers, and it snaps him back to reality. He moves his hands back to her hips and pushes back just a little, breaking their kiss just enough to look into her eyes.  Which, in retrospect, might have been a bad idea, because Shepard’s pupils are blown wide and her cheeks are flushed and her lips are red and kiss-bitten.

He forces himself to take a breath.

“This is – I mean, not that I’m complaining, hell, but are you – do you – ”  He gestures futilely, and glances away, not wanting to see her face when he admits his weakness.  “I can’t do this just once,” he says.  “It’s… _you’re_ too important to me.”

Shepard’s hand under his chin pulls his gaze back up.  “Hey,” she says softly, and there’s a spark in her eyes that he hasn’t seen in years.  “If you think this is a one-time thing, you’re dumber than you look.”

He grins. “Fuck you.”

“That’s the idea.”

And with that she stands and unbuttons her pants.  Joker stutters – “What, here?” – and she leans forward, kissing him hard.

“I’ve wanted to do this since the SR-1.”  She kicks her pants off one leg, leaving them hanging from the other, and straddles him again.  One hand tangles in his hair again and the other works his fly open, pulls him out – and _fuck_ , is this really happening?

Shepard rubs the head of his cock against herself and he whines, hips bucking up. The smile on her face is positively wicked, but as she eases herself down, Joker’s fingers digging into her hips, her head falls back and she gasps the most perfect “ _oh_ ” Joker has ever heard.

She stops moving when he’s fully inside her, eyes fluttering open to meet his, and something _flexes_ in her body and squeezes his cock and he honest-to-fucking-god almost comes right then.

“You’re perfect,” he tells her, and she laughs breathlessly, shaking her head.

“I’m not.” She kisses his ear and slowly rocks her hips against his.  “But you’re stuck with me anyway.”

Her hips start moving faster, then, and she buries her face in his neck, and it’s all he can do just to hold on as she rides him.  He feels himself spiraling higher, closer, and Shepard’s quiet moans tell him she’s almost there too – he slides a hand between her legs and rubs at her clit, and she bites down hard on his shoulder to muffle a curse in a language that is _definitely_ not English. Her walls spasm around him and his whole body goes tight and then snaps like a biotic whip, starbursts exploding behind his eyelids.

They come down together, panting against each other’s skin.  Joanna catches her breath first.  She slowly stands up and starts pulling her clothes back into place.

“You know, if this was anyone else, I’d have expected you to record them for blackmail purposes.”

Joker tilts his head, _tsk_ ing at her with a smirk. “My dear Commander,” he says. “You drastically underestimate me – and the number of cameras installed around the ship.”

As her eyes go wide, he can’t help affecting an innocent smile.  “And I may need to watch that particular recording several times, for… research purposes.  What exactly were you saying in that beautiful language you used?”

Her cheeks flush, but she can’t hide her grin.  “I’ll never tell.  But… I _will_ watch it with you.  For science.”

She kisses his cheek, and is gone – but for the first time in years, he doesn’t feel alone.


End file.
